When He Leaves

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Maybe one decision really can change the rest of your life.

We parted ways, and I never thought it would be the last time.

He drove away, and I couldn’t believe it. That he had blown me off.

The mixed signals.

The uncommunication.

The silence.

The past pain making us into people we  wish we weren’t;

at least I wish I wasn’t

defined by past pain

past relationships that ended badly..

I want to be a better person

I want to let go of all my anxiety

and fear

I want to love with my full heart

I wish I wasn’t so attune to the pain, empathy they call it

to other people’s pain

It haunts me at night

Pain I have caused

Pain others have caused

I see it in their eyes,

their countenance,

their face,

sad eyes,

hunched shoulders..

I want to take away their pain

I want to love them

I want to love myself

They say love makes the world go round but why do we spend so much time faking it

faking happiness and love and jumping into relationships

What is real and what is make believe

Where do we stand

This wall… is it brick or is it sand

is it wood or is it glass

that will shatter in an instant

if someone takes a leap of faith

Or is it water

that distorts the image of the person on the other side

but is so refreshing to walk through

Who really knows

Why he leaves

When he leaves

 

 

Do you believe in love?

Free Spirit

– Let me ask you a question: Do you believe in love? I am not referring to falling in and being in love. I mean love proper, that kind of love which can last an entire lifetime. I am not talking about the fashion in which books or films portray love. I am talking about something more meaningful, something actually meaningful.

– Yes. I do believe in love. Love, love, love…

Love is nonsexual, nonverbal.
Love is just, there.
What would we be without love?
What else would we feel, other than love?
I do believe that one day we are all going to find that one and only.
We may feel it, we may experience it, we may keep it a secret. But love is always going to be there.
Sometimes it may not feel right to say it, it may not be appropriate, maybe it’s dangerous or pointless… But it’s…

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Ten pieces of (unsolicited) advice for everyone trying to figure themselves out

The truth.

Vodka on Heels

  1. It will be okay. Even if you flunked your exam, or got left at the altar, even if rock bottom feels like home..things will get better. All you need is the mere belief that they will..and they will, really. And darling, slicing your wrists off and seeing your life bleed out of you will not make things better. Throw your blades and pills away, and walk and out and smell the sunshine. Breathe. It’ll be okay.
  2. Be selfish. Love yourself unconditionally and without recourse. Love yourself more than you’ve loved anyone or anything before, more than what you are even capable of loving so forth. Love yourself in moments you wish someone else would, love yourself in moments when you’ve been drained of all the love you could possibly give away. Have a whispered conversation with the darkest corners of your soul, just like you have with the sunlit ones- and embrace…

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The Rose-Tinted Specs

Just A Small Town Girl...

It was a frosty Wednesday morning and she was power-walking her way to work. Only one thought occupying her mind: there was no doubt about it, for the past nine months she’d been stuck in a rut. Nine months. Nine WHOLE months. She could’ve done something productive like created a new life in that time! But no, she’d opted to waste 36 weeks of her life pining after her ex.

Much to her frustration she still missed him like crazy. Often to the point where she was sure that she felt a physical pain in her chest whenever she was reminded of him. And make no mistake, everything reminded her of him. A whiff of his cologne as she passed a stranger in the street, adverts for his favourite TV show plastered on billboards in Piccadilly Circus, a busker outside Costa singing that song that he’d mimed along to at that cocktail bar in Camden…

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Never

Great poem!
*snap*snap*snap*

Vodka on Heels

I never wanted to fall
In love with
you.

I never wanted
it to happen that
way, never meant to
let the news of your
existence spill across
my being, never meant to
let my heart thump
against my ribs when
you smiled like that
from across the
coffee table. I never
meant to let you
sew the strings of
my heart to yours, never
meant to delve into
the depth of your eyes
when they twinkled with
anticipated mischief, never
meant to look at you
so bemused, like you were
a piece of art only I was
capable of looking at, and that
if I didn’t look hard enough,
I’d never figure it
out. I never meant to try
and fix you, mend
your cracks, because even
though I wanted to be
your Wonder Woman,
you never wanted
to be fixed. I never meant to
lock you in poetry scribbled
across cheap paper, or…

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Take Care

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Take take take

That’s what you do

Make excuses for your greediness

To hide your loneliness

 

Love could heal your pain

If you only let it in

Leave your ego at the door

Carry your cross I pray!

 

Life is short

Heaven is forever

Who will you be

When death comes knocking at your door

 

I will give you every chance

To be the man I know you to be

Deep down

In your heart of hearts

Is a beat

That scares you

 

Paralyzed by fear

Just come near

Let me hold you tight

And never let you go

 

Spoiled Little Kid

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Spoiled little kid

Always getting what you want

Taking what you need

Stuck inside your head

Thinking what it would be like to be dead

 

Escape from the misery

That life as you know it is

There is more around the corner

Up the block

Just a few more miles straight ahead

 

Spoiled little kid

When will you grow up?

How did you get this way

Try as your parents may

 

Lack of attention

Worldly desires

Led to you sneaking out after hours

 

Always running away

From the isolation

From the crowd

From the people you love

And the people you hate

 

Feeling as if no one knows you

No one appreciates you

Even though they say they do

 

With every token of appreciation

Comes an unanswered promise

You choke up

Then walk around with a nonchalant flair thinking

How long will people notice

When I am no longer there

Ode to a Lover

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Ode to a lover

 

Lover o lover please find another

I cannot take this back and forth –

This to and fro –

Where shall this relationship go!

 

Lover o lover

Why do you invite me in

Into your room

Your place

For a night

 

Far between nights

Mixed signals signify mixed feelings

On islands separated by water

Salty water

Thick with sweat

Made by tears

 

Lover o lover, I wish you were near

I wish I was brave

To tell you

That I can’t stand not knowing how you feel

 

What is this deal

Are you in it or do you want out

An escape is near without a doubt

Is it convenient for you

Am I your toy

that you sometimes want to play with, toy with

Are you in love with your ex; x’s and o’s

Am I just someone you pass the time with

Or can you see us passing time together for eternity

 

Wear your heart on your sleeve

Break from the drunken stupor

Tell me how you feel every day and every night

I am here

To listen to the words from your lips

Stop simply dropping hints

 

Soft lips

Too hott to resist body

Tanned by the sun

Shaped by life

 

I can’t resist

I won’t resist

Your invitation

Even if I miss you

When you leave

When I leave

Two worlds apart

Waiting to reunite

Unsure if our worlds will collide

Even though they already have.