Exist

 

exist

ex·ist

/iɡˈzist/

verb

 1. have objective reality or being.

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Is it only me

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Is it only me,

Who feels that each day we are slowly dying;

That each decision is a matter of crisis,

Fending off death or drawing it closer.

That each decision can make or break us,

Lead us to victory or lead us somewhere astray..

Or is that the anxiety talking?

Each of us is made unique;

Each of us marches to a different beat-of-the-drum;

And this is my burden—

To seek out the best in me.

Opposites Attract

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Compared to white, everything looks

dark

Compared to light, everything is

dark

Dark as night;

a night without a moon.

Some will live their whole life

not knowing the Light

Surrounded by dark or dim-bodied acquaintances

too afraid to share

the Light they know

Who is friend;

who is foe?

The games we play,

too & fro, never let me go.

Hang on tight;

with all your might;

There is a ray of shine, a silver promising hope;

demanding your attention if only attention

you would give

Too often missed;

a fleeting bright light like a shooting star,

far away yet coming closer,

“Let me in!”

 

Promise to a Princess

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To you my love

I promise to have & to hold

I comfort and protect

To fight for and not

grow weary

To love for eternity

To provide shelter from this storm

that is “life as we know it” but falls short of Divine

Together we will lift each other

up

Up out of the darkness, the black

hole that is hell as we know it

Up to heaven we go I pray

to meet the creator

Who created you my lovely

so fair

such a sight for weary eyes

My darling, my princess you

shall be

at the alter of the King of

the Most High.

To You

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I miss your half smile.

I miss your tired eyes

speaking of your hard line of work.

I miss your voice

accent any American would kill for.

I miss your body

and the way you work hard to perfect it.

I miss the way you brush your fingers through your hair

and the way you tell me you want me.

I miss laying with you

after a late night of drinking, dancing, talking, and loving.

I miss our deep conversations

the ones where you tell me about your life, ask me about mine, and say you want me forever.

It’s only been a little while

but your just so far away.

It’s hard to explain to others

they say you’re so far away but assure me it could work out.

What really are the logistics of distance relationships?

distance ended all my past relationships for good.

Do you think about me?

maybe right before you drift off you wish I was by your side…

I think about you.

when the sun shines, when I hear a British accent, when I’m drifting off to sleep alone.

I wish you were by my side.

Rat Race

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Sometimes I wish my dreams would become reality; didn’t dreams used to seem more possible?

Am I in a rat race convincing myself this is the only way, that security and education, and a salary will lead me to where I want to be?

Sometimes I just want to say “fuck it”

I want to pick up and leave.

Go back and live where I could have a comfortable life, be near my grounded parents, go to school without a full-time job..

Move to another state. One where marijuana is legal, dogs come to restaurants, everyone runs for fun and commutes on bikes.

But I stay here. I stay for the security and freedom. I stay to earn my Master’s. I hope for a bright future.

There is always another step.

I thought after I got into college with all the GPA stress and SAT and ACT nonsense college would be a breeze.

Then I thought okay college classes and not earning much money kinda sucks but once I get a B.S. then I can get a great job.

Then I land a job.

Then I look forward to starting grad school.

Then I start grad school.

Don’t you see what I mean?

Always a next.

I just want to be happy in the moment.

For me.

For me.

For me.